and a glorious day 'twas

Today was one of heartful joy and gratitude.

I don't have a job. I collect the barest of unemployment. The sole reason I'm not on the streets is because of my family's generosity.

I have so much. I have shelter. Hot water. Food. A car. A laptop.

I know what it is to be without. To be lonely. To fear. To struggle. To be forgotten during the holidays.

Over time's course, I have been in markets for an item or two, or just for something to do, where people are loading up carts with food for their get-togethers and I know I'll be home alone, the Internet being my only connection to anyone.

I have worked every holiday for years, and at jobs I detest.

I have been on the outside looking in on families and friends gathered for as long as I can remember. I have been on the inside with people who have no place to go and are hungry not only for companionship but food. I take nothing for granted. When the slate is empty and a light appears, the heart is moved so deeply, the tears of happiness flow.

Yesterday I received a great joy. I was invited to a Thanksgiving meal. My heart burst open in purest joy and gratitude. The last time I had a Thanksgiving dinner was three years ago, which was marred by an impossible (and not atypical) argument with my father, which sent me sobbing from the house, driving to the highest landing in town to cry and listen to music in my car. Butter praline ice cream, which I contributed for dessert, reminds me of Thanksgiving; I've not been able to buy it since.

Before that, I can't remember when I had a Thanksgiving. Let me think. In the early 1990s in Tokyo with some foreigners where we went to a pub and had a turkey plate.

I have so much, as I mentioned, and so many people are in pain. And so with $20 (31.99 AUD), which is all I can afford, I went to Costco on a gratitude-holiday run for families with little to nothing. For an hour I cruised the aisles, carefully checking prices to stretch the money to help the greatest number in need. I didn't come out with very much, a mere drop in the bucket, and that pains me. People need. It is incumbent upon me, who has more than nothing, to help.

I do so in gratitude and full of heart.

Tomorrow I have the opportunity of taking the food to the food bank, where families and individuals and the elderly will have access.

What, do pray tell, is more beautiful?

+ + +

I have a dream, one I've carried inside just about all my life. It'll probably never come true but still it is my dream. I dream of a home that is truly truly a home, near the water and the place of solace and goodness where I have my dog and my small tribe and a kitchen where I cook and a space where I write (and lo and behold people are actually interested in my work, I cannot imagine!!!)

Every year, in my dream, at Thanksgiving, there is someone seated at the table with no place to go, an orphan in society. It could be a child, it could be an adult. This person is the guest of honor.

My dream is to give someone with nothing or no one a place to be. A place to be seen. A place where he or she is not forgotten.

I pray to one day have the opportunity, the means and the honor to help the orphans of our world.

It was a glorious day.