Saying 'I do ... oh heck, no, I don't!'

Been a while since I dipped into the pool of prompts at writingprompts ... and surfaced thusly with:

Nine reasons to break off a wedding:

9. The groom is in love with a man/bride with a woman.

8. The church is discovered to be built atop an ancient burial ground or former nuclear test site.

7. As you’re walking down the aisle, the groom’s cell phone rings.

6. And he takes the call.

5. The ceremony is presided over by Sun Myung Moon.

4. You’re secretly carrying the love child of your future brother-in-law.

3. You fantasize carrying the love child of your future brother-in-law.

2. Four generations of the Gambinos fill the pews on your partner's side.

1. Your  names hyphenated amuse. for a while, like MacDonald-Berger or Wendt-Adaway. Or are stage names in a B porno flick, like, authentically, Filler-Quick, Dunnam-Favors, Gowen-Geter, Peters-Rising, Wacker-Dailey, Fillinger-Goode, Weener-Whipple.