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Well, there's a kid who if his name bears out will be a wanderer. Or perhaps a gangster.

Just read that the first birth of 2010 in my county was a boy, who arrived 46 minutes past midnight. Since it was a water birth, the parents named him Ronin, a Japanese word meaning "wave man."

However, it's not in the sense they interpreted or intended. The "wave" -- the ro, the first character -- in Ronin means "wanderer" ... as in that which is moving without roots.

It's another attempt by American parents to be cool by assigning an Eastern name without awareness; (a frequent occurrence with tats too). Had the Caucasian couple done the homework, they'd have bowed away from Ronin. It means "samurai without a master."

In Japan's feudal history, that wasn't a good thing. Samurai who lost their masters, through the master's death, the samurai's dismissal or defeat of the clan, were destined for difficulty. Ronin wandered as outcasts struggling to survive. Some served as mercenaries, working for whomever would pay; many became outlaws.

So the parents did the kid no favors by the name. Best we can hope for for the little tyke (short of an improbable name change) is that he find a way to make the outlaw rootless wandering work. A career as a rock star may await.

Take your “shovel-ready” and, well, shove it.

That’s the conclusion of Michigan’s Lake Superior State University, which every year solicits public suggestions for its List of Words to Be Banished from the Queen’s English for Misuse, Overuse and General Uselessness.

It began innocently enough, back in 1975 when Bill Rabe, former LSSU public relations director, and friends at a New Year’s Eve party drew up a list of words to banish. Thus was born an enduring tradition of 35 years.

Here's the 2010 list, sprinkled with public commentary:

SHOVEL-READY

"Stick a shovel in it. It's done." -- Joe Grimm, Bloomfield Hills, MI

TRANSPARENT/TRANSPARENCY

CZAR

“The president has been handing these 'czar' positions out like party favors.” -- Scott Lassiter, Houston, TX

{Editor's note: Indeed, Scott, but only after paying our mortgages and filling our gas tanks.}

TWEET

And all of its variations: tweetaholic, retweet, twitterhead, twitterature, twittersphere …

Tweeting is "pointless ... yet has somehow managed to take the nation by storm. I'm tired of hearing about celebrity X's new tweet, and how great of a tweeter he or she is." -- Mikhail Swift, Hillman, MI

Jay Brazier of Williamston, MI says she supposes that tweeters might be "twits."

APP

"Must we b sbjct to yt another abrv? Why does the English language have to fit on a two-inch screen? I hate the sound of it. I think I'll listen to a symph on the rad." -- Edward R. Bolt, Grand Rapids, MI

"Is there an 'app' for making this annoying word go away? Why can't we just call them 'programs' again?" -- Kuahmel Allah, Los Angeles, CA

SEXTING

Sending sexually explicit pictures and text messages through the cell phone.

"Any dangerous new trend that also happens to have a clever mash-up of words, involves teens, and gets television talk show hosts interested must be banished." -- Ishmael Daro, Saskatoon, Sask., Canada

FRIEND AS A VERB

Came into popularity through social networking Web sites. You add someone to your network by "friending" them or remove them by "unfriending" them.

"I'm certainly as much of a Facebook addict as the next person, but I'm getting a little weary of 'friending' people and being 'friended' by them. My daughter talks of 'sending friend requests,' which doesn't rankle me as much, so maybe we should all take her lead." -- John Wetterholt, Crystal Lake, IL

{Dear John: Some of us have never Facebooked and never will. -- signed, the editor}

" 'Befriend' is much more pleasant to the human ear and a perfectly useful word in the dictionary." -- Kevin K., Morris, OK

{Editor's note: All well and good, Kev - may I call you that? - until the reminder that 'befriend' is high English unfamiliar to most Americans.}

TEACHABLE MOMENT

What might otherwise be known as “a lesson.”

"It's a condescending substitute for 'opportunity to make a point.' " -- Eric Rosenquist, College Station, TX

"This phrase is used to describe everything from potty-training to politics. It's time to vote it out!" -- Jodi, Youngstown, OH

{Editor's note: Granted, it's difficult to distinguish between the two.}

IN THESE ECONOMIC TIMES ...

"When someone prefaces a statement with 'in this economic climate,' its starts to sound like a sales pitch, or just an excuse on which to blame every problem. And if a letter or e-mail message from your employer starts with this phrase, usually it means you're not getting a raise this year." -- Dominic, Seattle, WA

{Editor's note: Cut the whining, Dominic of Seattle; for every raise you don't get, there are 2 million lined up behind who would take your job at half the pay.}

STIMULUS

"Everything in the news is about the stimulus packages ... it is no longer a grant, it's stimulus money, stimulus checks, etc." -- Teri Heikkila, Rudyard, MI

"Overused by companies to advertise a promotion." -- David Willis, Houston, TX

"What’s next, can I go down to the local bar and down a few drinks and call it a stimulus package?" -- Richard Brown, Portland, OR

{Editor's note: Yes, you may, Richard, though it's unlikely your wife will call it such when you return home to bed.}

TOXIC ASSETS

"Whatever happened to simply 'bad stocks,' 'debts' or 'loans'?" -- Monty Heidenreich, Homewood, IL

TOO BIG TO FAIL

"Just for the record, nothing's too big to fail unless the government lets it." -- Claire Shefchik, Brooklyn, NY

BROMANCE

"I am sick of combined words the media creates to make them sound catchier. Frenemies? Bromances? Blogorrhea? I'm going to scream!" -- Kaylynn, Alberta, Canada

{Editor's note: And I thought Canadian literacy was intact. Evidently Kaylynn is perusing Web sites in the United States and has her finger on the pulse.}

CHILLAXIN'

"Heard everywhere from MTV to ESPN to CNN. A bothersome term that seeks to combine chillin' with relaxin' makes me want to be 'axin' this word." -- Tammy, Sault Ste. Marie, MI

"A made-up word used by annoying Gen-Yers." -- Chris Jensen, Fond du Lac, WI

For perspective, words we wanted to see go away in years past -- to no effect:

“24/7” (in 2000)
“It is what it is” (2008)
“happy camper” (1993)
“LOL” (2004)
“state of the art” (1993)

Editor's note: Sure, take the Tweet, just keep hands off my WTF!

Many are posting personal retrospectives of the past year and decade.

Well, screw those! You won’t get that from me, it’s none of your damn business! If you wanna know about me, read my writing or leave me alone.

I’m a-glow in the holiday spirit, however, and quite happily pose for your contemplation the question on the minds of so very many as we turn our faces to the east where ascends a new 10-year chapter: What was THE most-watched TV show of the decade?

The list of the top 10 is out and I present it verbatim, starting from the bottom, with commentary as appropriate:

10. "Spin City"
Airdate: May 24, 2000
Viewers: 32.8 million

Yes, we were surprised, too -- and it's not for the series finale. This was the final episode starring Michael J. Fox, who left the show because of his worsening Parkinson's symptoms. Charlie Sheen took the lead role for two more "Spins" seasons, though Fox had a brief return in the final year.

9. "Everybody Loves Raymond"
Airdate: May 16, 2005
Viewers: 32.9 million

The series finale for Ray Romano's long-running sitcom went off the air as a top 10-ranked show among total viewers. The episode was only subtly climatic, with Ray Barone's routine surgery resulting in a moment where his family thought he might have died. The episode concluded with the Barones talking and laughing around the dinner table.

8. "Frasier"
Airdate: May 18, 2000
Viewers: 33.7 million

The seventh-season finale of "Cheers" spinoff "Fraiser" promised to end the suspense over Niles Crane's swooning over physical therapist Daphne Moon. Niles confesses his love for Daphne on the eve of her wedding, only to be rejected ... or so it seemed at first.

7. "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire"
Airdate: May 3, 2000
Viewers: 36 million

Three "Millionaire" episodes from the same week in May are clumped together on the most-watched list, as Regis-fever swept the country. ABC was criticized for airing this flashy new game show three or even four nights a the week, though we'll never know if the network's scheduling saturation was to blame for the show's demise two years later or if the game show's popularity with viewers was destined to be short-lived.

6. "Grey's Anatomy" post-Super Bowl episode
Airdate: Feb. 5, 2006
Viewers: 38 million

Code black! This post-Super Bowl episode of ABC's medical soap was jam-packed with attention-getting drama for the football crowd -- supply-closet sex, a doctor giving birth, a lesbian shower scene and guest star Christina Ricci as a paramedic with her hand on the trigger of a bomb that's also inside her patient. Ahhh! Sealed "Grey's" hit status and proved girly shows can score ratings touchdowns after the Big Game, too.

 5. "American Idol"
Airdate: Jan. 16, 2007
Viewers: 38.1 million

The "American Idol" sixth-season premiere marked the pinnacle of the show's popularity, back when each season brought in a higher number than the one before. The Minneapolis opener was for a season won by Jordin Sparks and introduced millions to the name Sanjaya.

Ed. note: I’ve yet to watch an episode of “American Idol” and await an imminent knock at the door signaling the arrival of the feds to deport me.

4. "ER"
Airdate: Feb. 17, 2000
Viewers: 39.4 million

A car crash the previous week left Lucy Knight and John Carter gravely injured after they were attacked by schizophrenic patient. A massive audience tuned in for this episode, "All in the Family," to see who would survive. Considered one of the most tragic episodes of the series.

3. "Joe Millionaire"
Airdate: Feb. 17, 2003
Viewers: 40 million

Fox put a deceptive twist on the reality TV genre with "Joe Millionaire." Why tell contestants the truth when fooling them is so much more fun? With women vying for the attention of fake millionaire Evan Marriott, millions watched the season finale to see which bachelorette he would choose and, more important, how she would react when she learned the truth about his identity. Marriott's relationship with winner Zora Andrich didn't last and, once the show's twist played out, neither did "Joe Millionaire."

Ed. note: Like "American Idol," another wildly popular show I've yet to watch. Yes, those sounds you hear are the heavy footsteps of the feds and locking handcuffs.

2. "Survivor: Borneo"
Airdate: Aug. 23, 2000
Viewers: 51.7 million

"Survivor" was a new series that premiered in the dead of summer, yet that didn't stop its August finale from nearly toppling "Friends" as the most-watched telecast of the decade. During its riveting two-hour closer, audiences expected tough whitewater rafting guide Kelly Wiglesworth to triumph over scheming corporate trainer Richard Hatch for the show's $1 million prize -- and then were stunned to discover that on this new TV genre called "reality," sometimes the villain wins.

Ed. note: Okay, "Survivor" was all the rage when I re-entered the States from Japan so I tuned in to see why all the hoopla. Rather than being captivated, I was repulsed by the mean-spiritededness and cutthroat competitiveness glorified by the show and celebrated by the public. Both the popularity of "Survivor" and Paris Hilton's picture plastered on every magazine were the earliest introductions to a culture and country much changed from those I'd left.

And finally ... {drum roll} ... THE most-watched show between 2000 and 2009. Venture a guess? ........
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FRIENDS!

1. "Friends"
Airdate: May 6, 2004
Viewers: 52.5 million

Titled "The Last One," the "Friends" series finale closed a modern-day Golden Age of comedy TV -- and marked the end of the NBC's "Must-See TV" era. At the time, the final "Friends" was the most-watched entertainment telecast in six years and it has never been surpassed. A finale that stayed true to the series, the "Friends" closer was well-liked by fans and concluded with slow pan across Monica and Chandler's empty apartment.

Ed. note: American culture in its finest hour. All invitations to repatriate will be taken under contemplative review.

... what so proudly we hail as the year's last big cleaning ...

O-soji. You've got two days left for o-soji so do not dawdle.

O-soji, pronounced o-so-gee and whose translation is the Great Cleaning (the o is honorific), is the Japanese tradition of cleaning on a grand scale as one year closes to welcome the next with a clean slate {convenient word play}.

O-soji takes place in homes. From windows to tatami, back bathrooms to front doors, residences are scrubbed. Travel up and down the streets on Dec. 31 and you'll see men and women in numbers with brooms in hand vigorously sweeping debris from porches, steps, sidewalks and streets in front of their homes, shops and businesses.

Even the granddaddy corporations get in on the action. Behind closed doors they're on task. It's not uncommon for companies and shops to devote the last couple hours in the final work day of the year, before the New Year's break, to o-soji so that employees may dutifully organize their stations, thin out the files, trash papers, rearrange, tidy up and spiff up.

I've distinct and fond memories still of watching my Japanese coworkers in the international division of Komatsu, a leading global maker of industrial machinery, in their blue suits exchanging the buzz of corporate activity for spray bottles and paper towels. It was an endearing, sweet, touching sight.

Cars, bicycles too, aren't immune. Many wash their cars manually to a sparkling shine, then attach a mini kadomatsu, a New Year's decoration of pine, bamboo and a few other ingredients of nature, to the grille. My mama-chan, the colloquial term for the old lady's bikes that dominate Japan's vast bicycle landscape, was definitely included in my ritual.

Schools are no stranger to o-soji either. It may be common knowledge that cleaning time year-round is set in the school system as a means to teach responsibility and discipline. This of course would NEVER fly in the American school system! The kids would complain, refuse and text one another about the school's laughable attempt to impose responsibility while parents would cry foul and trample one another in the race to file lawsuits alleging abuse and punishment because god forbid a child be un-com-fort-able and taught how - never mind expected - to work!

So o-soji, for the Japanese students, amounts to little more than extra elbow grease applied to their routine tasks of tidying up classrooms, cleaning floors, hallways, bathrooms and chalkboards, clapping erasers, weeding.

In days of yore, o-soji extended to paying off all debts by Dec. 31, again to greet the fresh year with a clean slate. The tradition hasn't wholly survived the times and changes wrought by a screwed-up economy -- like America's presently doing, Japan tried to spend its way out of its recession through the '90s, now referred to as the Lost Decade, to disastrous and ineffective results -- varied modern practices and to some extent the use of plastic. While the Japanese do have their credit cards, they remain largely a cash-dominated society and individually tend not to create and accrue the mountains of debt like their American counterparts.

Since there's way more Japan in me than America, I continue the annual o-soji, though always with certain consternation and chuckle as I seek tasks in an abode already kept nearly spotless, organized and tidy. Earlier today out the corner of my eye I did catch sight however of a couple dust bunnies nestling in a corner ...

Speaking of dust bunnies, you know what you must do so hop to it. Go now to honor and pay respect to the god of the Great Cleaning. Gambatte!

*Gambatte - pronounced gahm-bah-ttey (rhymes with "say") is a widely-used cultural term that roughly translates as "go for it!" "do your best!" "don't give up!"

It's rare these words come outta my mouth but I'm fooded-out.

I'm a foodie and there's been plenty to enjoy visually and otherwise this time of year. Foods at gatherings. Bountiful displays at the markets and mall {gag}. Holiday food demos at Costco. Foods shipped to and fro and foods on tables, enough to feed a family of four in Asia for a week.

The two holiday parties to which I was invited fell on the same night -- that sorta sucked and what are the odds? {really. is there a statistician in the house?}

So I went to both. By the time I arrived at the second, there was no room left in the inn belly for a slice of salami, neither a kernel of corn. Besides, the dishes had been pretty well picked over into carcass condition. I was more than happy to receive a glass of red wine as sacrament of social graces.

We all know about the box of Godiva.

More goodies were floated my way, though none with the power punch of Godiva (thank god!). My blood sugar levels this past week have seen more spikes than a mistress at an S&M establishment.

Then yet another potluck last night. I hungered for the chicken and cole slaw and couldn't face half the offerings -- sweets including a cream pie, lemon cake, cookies, foil-wrapped chocolates, banana bread and (this one's for you, Beeeze) brownies with cream-cheese frosting.

Most of the goodies were store-bought and because I'm a baker they rarely hold much appeal and no truer was this than yesterday, a week into the Season of Gluttony and Bulge.

Don't misunderstand, I'm not judging. I'm guilty of overindulgence too. Heck, I'm battling a pound of Godiva that's seeking permanent residency at my waist. Point is, I've officially reached my quota of sweets and food food food everywhere.

Cookies and brownies were left over at the potluck so I hauled 'em home, not for me -- OK, guilty! I had a little -- but the crows I feed daily.

And this morning afternoon after I got up and tossed the cut-up cookies and brownies (sorry, Beeeze, that you got none), I was met with quite the surprising sight: a squirrel, who arrives daily to bogart the bird seed, ferociously feeding his fat little cheeks on what appeared to be cream-cheese brownie! And here I thought they had more sense than we do in regards to junk food! After munching a while, he bounded away at top speed, toting precious chocolate morsel in mouth, probably hopped up on sugar like the most of us.

I've had my fun, my overindulgences, my sweets and starches, my season of gluttony. 'Tis the time to return to the simple and nutritional: an egg and a slice of toast, a bowl of oatmeal topped with chopped walnuts and cinnamon sprinkles, roast chicken and green beans and, as the day's single indulgence, a late-night mug of hot cocoa (from scratch, not a mix).

Cabbage is calling.

Thank god that divine nightmare's over.

And by that, I do mean the box of incredibly tasty and pleasurable Godiva chocolates I received as a gift and of which 44.4% I consumed singlehandedly on Christmas Day.

Well, I no longer need fret about resisting the 55.6% that kept calling my name, if you get my drift.

Actually, one gargantuan piece with the pecans and caramel does remain, simply because my arm, paralyzed in last night's sugar coma, was unable to lift it to my mouth.

So gone, a box of fancy chocolates in just three days. This is why I can't, won't shouldn't, rarely keep sweet treats I really like around the house. My otherwise substantial self-discipline - pop! - flies out the window.

Speaking of popping, the next sound I hear will be the button on my jeans set free and sailing across the room. I remember when I needed a belt for the roomy waist {waxing sentimental}. Good thing those chocolates weighed in at about a pound and no more, I was well on my way to a pair of maternity pants.

Speaking of poundage, presently this is not my friend:

This is:

blech

 

Take a look at this photo of a present I received on Christmas.

Anything strike you as remarkable? Other than that it's Godiva, a classy and pricey chocolate you'd never find in my home unless it were gifted, as this was.

Look closely. Notice the vacant squares. Notice that exactly 41.6% of the contents ... gone! Missing! Vanished!

By me. And me alone. In one day, Christmas.

Now, that figure of 41.6% is misleading. It under-reports actual quantity consumed by me and me alone in one day.

Yes, it's accurate to say I ate 10 of the 24 total pieces, equaling 41.6%.

However, the astute observer will notice that not all the pieces are of identical size. Two of the remaining are humongous. There used to be of those, four giant blobs of glorious chocolate covering crunchy pecan bits and golden gooey caramel.

One of those gargantuan pieces is the equivalent of four small ones.

So, painfully forced to recalculate actual quantity, I, and I alone, consumed 44.44% of the box on Christmas Day. Up from 41.6%.

In one day, I morphed from the girl on the left into the one on the right:

Of course you know that's not me. I wouldn't be caught dead carrying a clutch, never mind one matching the dress.

But it does get the point across. Two days past Christmas and Godiva hasn't crossed these lips. I'm still burning off the sugar.

So if you need your snowy walkways shoveled, the shower regrouted, linoleum laid and walls repainted, all in a day, I'm your girl. The number's (555) SUGAR-HI (784-2744).

Disclaimer: None of my own piggery in any way alters the beauty and value of the gift and the thoughtfulness of the giver.

Nothing says Christmas like a Bundt cake candle.

This Bundt cake candle infuses your home with the sweetness and light we associate with this blessed season.

As its five wicks burn, they release into the air an aroma that returns fond memories of your grandmother gliding across the room on Christmas Day, silken lavender polyester robe trailing, drenched in cheap perfume from the 5-and-dime.

Amid a lifelike glaze mounds of cream-colored wax dot the monstrosity (possibly the creation of a Hollywood Wax Museum fellow who ingested three too many tabs of LSD in his youth) like samples emptied from the cosmetic surgeon's liposuction sac.

Garnishments of hard brown plastic balls replicating nuts nearly bring a tear to the eye, a nod to holiday sentimentality, detail and the prevailing presence of cheap Chinese goods in the American market.

Above all, you can rest assured that friends and family, upon viewing this one-of-a-kind candle cake, will shout: "Happy Holidays! And Good God! Where on earth did you find such a hideous contraption?!"

And you'll smile sweetly, if not demurely, and with a wink of an eye and finger alongside the nose like Santa Claus rise up the chimney (pretend if you don't have one) and answer: "At the Goodwill, for 99 cents."

Then like Blitzen you'll hasten toward the skies, three paces ahead of a spinning burning bad Bundt hurled your direction by your aunt (and quite the pitcher's arm she has) with a hollering command of "Get this damn gawd-awful thing outta my sight!"

(and to it a good night)

Ah, Christmas, when shineth the Spirit of Truth. Nothing bespeaks the holiday like the tackiest candle ever birthed on the face of the Earth, a Bundt Cake Gone Bad.

To all my loyal readers, bless you, and to the occasional drop-ins amused by the oddball and unconventional, all animals and to each and all every one a Most Merry Christmas.

May your holiday burn brightly. And badly with a Bundt.

Happy Thanksgiving to one and all and gratitude to my peeps.

On this day of plenty, please take pause to remember the many who do without - without jobs, without homes, with little clothing and one pair of shoes, without food on their tables.

Be mindful too of the millions of turkeys whose lives were taken for your feast. Bless the birds and all living creatures this day.

We interrupt our regular programming ...

*except for the Japan crowd like Expat: また

Energies are needed elsewhere. Vox'll be fine without me for a while.